Wake Up Republican Women, Your Party Hates You

Ladies, in case you haven’t noticed, the Republican geniuses you robotically vote for have saddled their horses for a Holy Crusade and guess who the infidels are? They’ve already suggested that you should show a little more enthusiasm about getting raped because it’s all part of The Almighty’s glorious plan; that men should be allowed, allowed to rape you if abortion is legal; that your privates should be probed for no legitimate reason; that hospitals should allow you to die rather than perform life-saving abortions.

If that doesn’t piss you off even a teeny-weeny bit, some of your GOP buddies have also opined that you should stay home with the kids instead of working; that perhaps some of you should not be allowed to vote anymore; that you should get a judge’s permission to date or have sex if you’re going through a divorce.

Not convinced yet? The same guys you helped to elect are also against lowering interest rates on your kid’s college loan and think your wages should be lower than a man’s. If you’re out of work and need an extension on your unemployment insurance, forget it — that’s oil subsidy money. How many times does a tornado have to decimate your house before you consider the possibility that your beloved party just might be mistaken about climate change? Oh, and how’s that $7.25 minimum wage working out for you?

Ladies, your kids aren’t safe anymore because it’s okay with the GOP if the mentally unstable loner up the block — the one with a taxidermist’s rendering of his deceased mother chillaxing, albeit a little stiffly, on his Barcalounger — owns thirty automatic weapons so he can open fire in a schoolyard because he couldn’t get a prom date. Here’s the punch line — you support background checks but the arrogant simpleton you voted into office doesn’t care what you and the majority of his constituency think.

And now there’s the Hobby Lobby decision, a stunning work of 15th Century jurisprudence produced by… take a wild guess… five men, one of whom is a ventriloquist’s dummy. The good news is that if you work at Hobby Lobby, you can buy a do-it-yourself birdhouse building kit for 20 percent off. The bad news is that you’ll have to spend a month’s salary on contraceptives.

What’s next, ladies? No mammograms because your boss belongs to a recently-invented-by-him religion which preaches that breasts are an evil temptation wrought by Satan to lure men. (Hello?) Or the Holy Cervical Church, created by another lunatic who thinks cervical cancer is God’s way of punishing you for promiscuity and… well… good luck.

Common sense dictates that it’s not a brilliant strategy for a political party to deliberately piss off the majority of the electorate, that majority being you. Face it, your Republican pals simply don’t care about your demographic — they figure you’ll vote for them anyway.

And they’re probably right. But why ladies, why? Is it because your parents were diehard Republicans and it’s some sort of stupidity legacy? Because your husband might not react too peacefully if he finds out you switched parties? (Don’t worry, they’re okay with that in some states.) Because Republicans are better at national security? (They’re not.) Because the GOP always lowers the deficit? (They don’t.) Because they cut taxes? (Nope, not even Saint Ronald.) Because one day, when you’re really rich (you won’t be, thanks to them) you sure as heck don’t want to pay taxes on all that gosh darn loot?

Or is it because of the biggest myth of all — that Republicans believe that government should be smaller so it won’t… um… probe into peoples’ private lives? (Just ignore the stone-faced guy in the dark suit and sunglasses standing watch 24/7 in your bedroom.)

The alarm clock is ringing, ladies. Wake the hell up.

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This has been reposted from The Huffington Post.